In today’s fast-paced dating world, keeping up with all the new relationship terms can feel like learning an entirely new language—love bombing, ghosting, explorationships, the list goes on. Just when I thought I had them all memorized, I stumbled across a new one: floodlighting. Intrigued (and slightly overwhelmed), I decided to dig deeper. What I found was more than just another trend—it’s a behavior that’s becoming increasingly common in modern dating. And as much as I’d like to skip past these new terms, understanding them as a single gal isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. For those of us navigating the dating scene right now, chances are we’ll encounter this phenomenon sooner or later.
If you’ve ever had someone start oversharing about their crazy ex or emotional trauma on the first date, then you’ve experienced floodlighting. To learn more about how this term has already affected relationships and the modern dating world, I referred to a “floodlighting” study done by Tawkify Matchmaking, which surveyed over 1,000 Americans who are currently dating—and let’s just say it has certainly left its mark. Here’s everything you need to know about floodlighting and how to handle it in your dating life.
What is floodlighting?
Floodlighting, also known as emotionally oversharing, is the act of sharing personal and emotional information with a partner early on in a relationship, before intimacy or bonds have been formed. Different from trauma dumping or love bombing, floodlighting is a broader idea of emotional intensity—it’s more specific to revealing impactful life experiences, whether that be troubles with commitment or a never-ending rant about their past relationships. This can have serious emotional consequences and blindside a partner early on in a relationship.
“Floodlighting can cause a partner to feel like an unpaid therapist.”
The Tawkify survey found that 2 out of 5 Americans have experienced floodlighting in their dating life, meaning that it’s becoming increasingly common. While emotional connection and honesty are important in any healthy relationship, oversharing can cross boundaries. Floodlighting can cause a partner to feel like an unpaid therapist. Not to mention, it can decrease their trust and make them feel deeply uncomfortable.
Common types of floodlighting
Floodlighting can show up in intense ways and seriously catch you off guard early in a relationship. Common types of floodlighting reveal information about past relationships, mental health conditions, family matters, or even financial struggles. For example, imagine you’re on a first date and they start opening up about their painful divorce, describing in detail how their ex betrayed them and how they’re still recovering emotionally. Or maybe, just a few messages into texting, someone shares that they’re struggling with depression, haven’t spoken to their family in years, and feel completely alone most nights. While vulnerability can be powerful, this kind of emotional unloading before any real connection has been established can feel jarring, overwhelming, or even inappropriate to someone who isn’t prepared to take on that emotional weight so soon.
Why are singles floodlighting?
Unfortunately, singles who are floodlighting aren’t just victims of circumstance. This act of oversharing can be a result of many things, but it’s mostly attributed to the dating world and the loneliness epidemic we now live in. So many people are yearning for a connection and have no one else to talk to, especially if they aren’t in therapy. Many people who do this, often unconsciously, assume that by exposing themselves emotionally early on, they’ll be able to quickly establish a deeper connection. The problem is that the opposite usually happens.
With that in mind, anyone can floodlight, but it is more common among people with certain attachment styles, especially those with an anxious attachment. They often feel major stress about a partner leaving them, so they strive to foster close bonds quickly by emotionally unloading. It’s well-intentioned, but it doesn’t help strengthen their connection in the way they hope.
“While vulnerability can be powerful, this kind of emotional unloading before any real connection has been established can feel jarring, overwhelming, or even inappropriate.”
However, there is also a dark side to floodlighting, which comes in the form of emotional manipulation. According to the survey, 83 percent of Americans think people use emotional vulnerability as a control tactic in dating. In this case, floodlighting is a major red flag and a valid reason to avoid that person entirely.
Does floodlighting have any benefits?
While more than half of daters from the study considered floodlighting to be a red flag during the early stages of dating, there are a few positives to note. For example, the Tawkify study showed that Gen Z is more likely to embrace emotional vulnerability early on, even finding it more attractive than physical intimacy during a first date. Raised in a culture that encourages openness about mental health and feelings, Gen Z tends to view floodlighting as a way to fast-track authenticity.
Similarly, some singles find it attractive when someone is willing to share their thoughts and trust them early on with such important feelings. With that said, it’s important to remember that while some people value that emotional closeness, others may need more time to open up. This is why communication and respect for boundaries (both emotional and physical) are essential in relationship building.
So, how do you handle floodlighting?
If you’re facing floodlighting, you need to do some self-reflection to determine your boundaries and decide whether it’s a deal–breaker or not. Maybe emotional boundaries are deeply important to you, or maybe that up-front honesty is attractive. Either way, communicate honestly in this situation while also listening and respecting the other person’s feelings. If they understand and respect your boundaries, great! If not, the relationship might not be worth pursuing. That’s for you to decide.
Floodlighting highlights just how much emotional vulnerability and connection are evolving in today’s dating landscape. The key is finding a balance—knowing when to open up and when to hold space for genuine connections to build over time. At the end of the day, meaningful relationships thrive when both people feel emotionally safe, seen, and respected, without the pressure to fast-forward intimacy before it’s earned.
Jenna Piotrowicz, Editorial Assistant
Jenna began working as an Editorial Assistant for The Everygirl in 2024. With her eye for detail, she assists the team with content creation, sourcing products and images, and works behind the scenes to support The Everygirl in uploading and updating content.
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