Before you become a licensed mental health therapist, there is a lot of time dedicated to self-reflection. This is meant to help you understand what you bring to the table, or to the therapy room. I was really scared of this process of being open and vulnerable, but I was determined to heal so that I could help others in this way. My relationship with my husband has helped a lot; I learned a lot about myself in our relationship and I believe it has shaped who I am today as a therapist. I believe I have a lot of insight into my early trauma, young adulthood struggles and my own stubbornness, but something I was not prepared for was parenthood.
I thought I was in a great space for starting a family and bringing a life into this world. I felt solid in my beliefs and solid in how I would raise my children. All the things felt right. Well, as right as they can after finishing grad school, starting my career and being surrounded by great support. So, I was in a great space, but parenthood still knocked me on my butt.
Though it knocked me on my butt, it gave me a chance to pause and reflect on who I am, who I am as a parent and who I want to be. If you’re my client you might know what comes next, how can my values align with the logistic things I need to face in my day to day?
I have learned more in the span of three years (that’s how old my son is) about myself, life, and how to deal with trauma, stress, and anxiety. Some of the things I wish I had known before a few meltdowns (my son’s and my own) are:
- I am safe, almost all of the time, even if my body and mind are trying to fight, flight or freeze, I am actually safe.
- I can remind myself of this safety and regulate myself.
- This is the most important one: My calm body can be a game changer for my little one.
This third one still blows my mind every time I give myself enough space to use it. I read and saw this online, in books and of course on Tik Tok, parents and experts saying, “Hey! If you can regulate and calm you, you can help your child mirror this!” And it works! Will it work every time, or right away? No, because once we’re calm, do we then stay calm forever? No, and that’s okay. We have to do things over and over, like reminding ourselves, “you are safe, you are in control of this situation.” Then our awesome mom/therapist instincts can come into action because we trust them again and we’re listening to them!
Also, sometimes we don’t realize a trigger until we encounter change or step into new roles. I had no idea what would come up for me once I became a mom myself. The perspective shift, the understanding, the bravery I felt to speak up for my child or those around me. Embracing the shift and allowing myself space to regulate and understand myself have been instrumental in growing who I am!
