This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Mizzou chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.
I’ve always been a fan of podcasts, whether it’s a gripping murder mystery or a group of college girls chatting about self-love. But it wasn’t until I came across “The Mel Robbins Podcast” that I first heard about the Let Them Theory. Mel Robbins is a popularized motivational speaker who reminds her audience that you don’t have to control everything. Having more peace, confidence and connection is simple: let them.
What is the Let Them Theory?
The Let Them Theory is about letting people be who they are without trying to change, fix or control someone’s actions and opinions. Stop chasing validation, overexplaining yourself and getting tied up in other people’s drama that doesn’t involve you.
If someone doesn’t text you back,
Let them.
If someone misunderstands your intentions,
Let them.
If someone chose someone else,
Let them.
The mindset seems easy and it can shift your life dramatically, but I’ve learned along the way that trying to shape this mindset is not easy. It’s difficult to shrug things off your shoulders when you don’t get a text back or if someone criticizes your dreams, goals and passions. On the other hand, I try to think about why it matters because, in all honesty, it doesn’t. If someone doesn’t want to take 10 seconds out of their day to respond or support your choices, let them, because it’s your path you want to take in life. It’s taken me a while to understand this perspective, but slowly, I’m getting there.
Self Worth:
self-loveMel Robbins shares this theory in her podcast and book to help others detach from unhealthy patterns. When we think about how others perceive us, we let go of ourselves. This theory explains boundaries and emotional resilience while encouraging people to focus their energy on entering rather than chasing for approval. Reconnecting with our authentic selves is how people are impacted by this theory, and it teaches us to stay grounded in truth rather than bending and trying to fit in someone else’s mold; it’s self love in action.
You don’t have to convince someone of your value.
The right people won’t need to be chased and they’ll stay because they see you.
Applications:
I think about this theory in different aspects of my day in friendships, relationships, school and work. Instead of clinging to one-sided friendships and relationships, begin to value mutual effort and respect. Let go of someone who isn’t showing up. Don’t obsess over why someone didn’t choose you. You’re not defined by someone else’s preferences. Draw boundaries and know that your peace matters too. Do your best and let the work speak for itself.
Podcast:
One of my favorite podcast episodes is called “Stop Doubting Yourself: 5 Tips to Boost Your Confidence” and I love this episode because she lays out actionable tips that anyone can take in a clear and concise way. One thing that stuck out to me about this episode was the idea that one should take action right away, even if they don’t feel ready. This seems so scary to think about, but nothing will magically appear, so in order for a change to happen, you must do it yourself. I’ve learned to use small steps and break through doubt. Another point that came through was to set boundaries and speak up, which is difficult for some, but it’s needed to stop avoiding conflict. Let people know where you stand and a shift will be seen in yourself and how others perceive you.
How this theory changes you:
Ever since I’d heard of this theory and tried to use it in my life, I’ve felt how it changes how I feel. From feeling heavy and anxious to light and at peace, I’m not holding the weight of other people’s decisions. I’m free to control what I can in my life to show up, love and live. This theory is about peace over pressure, not passive or indifferent, not rejection or giving up on people, but letting them reveal who they truly are and trusting that who you are is good enough.
In a demanding world full of spirals, the Let Them Theory provides a breath of fresh air, a reminder that there’s no reason to chase acceptance or belonging. Stay true to yourself and let others do what they need to do because when you let them, you return to yourself.
