The poem, “When Did I Become So Scared?” by Anita Campbell, powerfully captures the haunting moment of realizing you’re living with anxiety. Additionally, it is an exploration of all of the rational and irrational fears that are experienced when anxiety is present. Whether it’s the fear of embarrassing oneself in a social setting or fearing the looming loss of a loved one, the presence of anxiety stalks its victims.
I’m trying to puzzle it out. / When was it that I began / to be so scared? Somehow or other / I’m suddenly frightened / of everything.
The erasure of innocence and lightheartedness that is often lost during adolescence is delicately captured in these lines. As many may relate to, one does not wake up one day suddenly afraid of the world and what others may think of them. Rather, there is a slow degradation of security and peace alongside the eventual realization that the world can be a scary place.
For some, this realization may happen sooner than others, especially those who have experienced childhood trauma. Perhaps some may also be able to pinpoint the exact day or moment that their anxiety began. For others, this fear and anxiety may have been present for the majority of their life, and are only beginning to question if there may be an alternative to their current fears.
Anxiety does not announce its presence, it carves its way through core belief systems and manifests itself in both thoughts and behaviours. The anxious thoughts outlined in this poem range from a fear of giving someone the wrong directions, to the fear of their friends dying. When anxiety is present, it is incredibly difficult for the body to understand that a simple misunderstanding is not a threat to that person’s safety. Anxiety serves a purpose, it exists to keep us alive. However, anxiety can also overload our senses and prevent people from truly living.
Link for the full poem: https://www.westberks.gov.uk/article/42294/When-did-I-become-so-scared-by-Anita-Campbell
Featured Image: https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-in-gray-crew-neck-shirt-4VaHkL-rnZA
