My husband (then boyfriend) and I had so many money conversations before moving in together. We talked savings goals, long-term plans, living within our means—all the responsible stuff you’re supposed to cover before combining lives and bank accounts. And then we actually started living together… and realized we had very different definitions of “fun spending.” One of us tended to use any leftover money on Sephora restocks, new clothes, and the occasional manicure (no naming names). The other could happily go weeks without buying anything beyond the occasional lunch out or tickets to a game. To say our discretionary spending was unequal would be the understatement of the year.
For a while, our “whatever’s left over is fair game” system technically worked. We hit our savings goals, built an emergency fund, and even saved for a down payment on a house. But every time we sat down to pay bills or do a bi-weekly finance check-in, I felt a little weird justifying every purchase I made, even though my partner didn’t really care. And I knew that wasn’t the financial energy I wanted in our relationship long-term. So, one night after our usual Sunday…
