When he was in a good mood, nothing was sweeter. I felt secure, loved, beautiful. I felt like a queen.
But he wasn’t always in a good mood.
On the bad days I walked on egg shells.
I tried so hard. I prepared his favorite meals, made sure the house was clean, the kids were good and quiet, I tried not to talk too much, and turned my phone to silent so that he wouldn’t be annoyed if it rang.
He was dealing with so much.
It’s really hard being a man in this society. There are so many demands. Men get such a bad rap. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t adding to his problems instead of helping him the best way I can. Sometimes I fall short. Sometimes I forget little things.
Take for instance the other day, I liked an Instagram post that my best friend from high school posted. He hates when I’m on social media. I should have known better.
He was furious.
When he stormed into the living room where I slept (he said I slept too loudly and wasn’t allowed to sleep with him) and grabbed me by my hair, I could barely understand what he spit out at me. Through the pain, I managed to make out the reason for his anger. The slap against my face came next. It stung, but my only thought was for the children. I hoped that they couldn’t hear what was happening. I hoped he wouldn’t wake them up. I tried not to scream, because I wanted to spare them the show, but he wanted me to scream. He told as much. He wanted me to hurt for what I had done. I don’t know what awakened him and why he decided that I deserved this beating in the middle of the night, but I never really understood when he would be provoked. He punched me in my head again and again and yelled “get it through your thick skull, bitch! I said I don’t want you on social media!” “OK!” I screamed back. “I’m sorry!” As my body began to convulse with the pain and tears, he stopped hitting me. He looked down at me, walked to the kitchen, and grabbed a towel which he threw at me. “Clean yourself up, and go to sleep.”
The beating was over. Tomorrow I’ll delete my account.
That’ll be one less thing to worry about.
In the USA, according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 Summary Report 20 people are abused every minute by an intimate partner or spouse. Domestic violence hotlines receive more than 20,000 calls per day. 15% of all violent crime in the US is committed by an intimate partner against his/her mate.
Although this vignette is fiction, it is all too true for some individuals. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. For more access to more resources, scenarios, news, interviews, stories, and support please consider joining our community. Click here for membership: Become a Member
Additional information about Domestic Violence can be found at the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.